[Wow. Lalli is being weird, actually, but Emil isn't going to say it. He thinks it very loudly instead, giving him a brief raised eyebrow - really? Really, is he the weird one here?
Whatever! He seems to have a whole mini-conversation with himself about this, deciding that Lalli is always going to be weird and waving a hand to dismiss, perhaps, the comment he doesn't make about Lalli being a weirdo.
Okay.]
Fine, sure. I just wanted to know how your day was.
[Specifically, why he decided to seek Emil out and have him come sit on this bench instead of just existing near him for a week, but this basic information will suffice.]
[...Hmm. So this... is not the ideal start to this conversation? Even Lalli, an Idiot, realizes this, because Emil's response is—well. It would have been better if Emil snapped back at him. It would have been nice to have an excuse to be all huffy, because that's an easier thing to deal with than this reminder that Emil is consistently... good to him. A real friend.]
Aha. [Then Emil should have just asked, Lalli thinks, but for once he doesn't say it. He has other things on his mind; it's why he looks back at the fire, frowning lightly as he considers how, exactly, to properly answer that not!question. His day was...] ...Long.
[Long and lonely, even though Lalli generally enjoys running about by himself. And you know, if he's being honest with himself, the past seven or so days have all felt long and lonely—and this trend is sure to continue if he doesn't fix this problem right here, right now, which is why he sighs before shifting his attention back to Emil. Nothing in life is easy! He knows this! And the longer he draws this particular thing out, the more difficult it becomes, so what if he just... holds a hand out between them? Palm up. Expectant.]
Give me your hand.
[The one attached to the wrist he CHOMPED ON, which he communicates by pointedly glancing down at it. Surely he's not making this situation any weirder.]
[You know, of all the things he half expected Lalli to do - only half, because this is Lalli and he could throw soup at any time - asking for his hand was... not on that list! Emil just looks at him for a second, then another second down at his hand, surprised? Maybe? Something like that.]
Ummm... okay.
[He holds his hand up, haltingly, and just as awkwardly holds it out for Lalli to... do something with. It's so much less awkward to fix each other's hair without having to talk about it than do, hmm, anything like this, so that's something. He's still giving up his hand for this, so to reiterate one last time here with this action: he's not even mad about being chomped on the last time! This is a safe decision!
[This is a test, and Emil failed! No, no. Even though Lalli is, um, vaguely aware that this is Strange—that he's venturing into unknown territory here—he still reaches out for Emil's hand, wrapping spindly fingers around his wrist so he can turn his friend's forearm just so. ...Ah, but he didn't account for Emil's stupid sleeve. Soon this becomes a two hand operation, with Lalli balancing Emil's turned hand in his palm of his own as he uses his other to push that sleeve up. He needs to see...
...Well. He needs to see those pale, barely visible marks in Emil's skin for Reasons, hence his simple explanation:]
Looking.
[At the damage he caused. No, these aren't the worst wounds anyone has been forced to deal with. Yes, Emil has certainly suffered worse—but he suffered these particular wounds because Lalli lost control, a Twinge-inducing thought that prompts him to slide his hand back down Emil's forearm, to lightly brush a thumb over those two spots.]
...It hurt.
[It's a flatly spoken fact, but he glances back up at Emil for... confirmation? Acknowledgment.]
[Alright, this is happening, Emil supposes. He lets Lalli fuss at his sleeve freely, because even as it becomes immediately obvious what he's trying to look at, Emil is still... curious. This is surely going somewhere beyond looking and it hurt, right?]
You did bite me. Of course it hurt!
[Jeez! He shrugs, tugging at his own sleeve now just for something to look at besides Lalli looking at him. His sleeve doesn't really need straightening, but you know what? This is A Conversation they're having, huh.
For the record, he thinks, it also hurt when he fell in a frozen hole in the street, or when Mikkel clubbed him in the leg, or when he toppled stupidly out of his bunk on the train— the point being: when isn't Emil getting hurt? Ha.
He looks up from his sleeve, which is now neatly folded up by his elbow, but only on the side he can comfortably reach without pulling his hand away from Lalli. Sacrifices.]
[They can understand one another just fine these days, it's true, but short sentences are easy to put together when he's uncertain and/or uncomfortable—and boy, if this isn't entire situation isn't peak uncomfortable! There's nothing fun about looking down at the evidence that he chomped the shit out of his one and only friend? At this reminder that he, again, lost control of himself, which is a thing he is never, ever allowed to do. He's supposed to be better than this? He's not the one with the weak mind...
So you know, maybe this song and dance is more for Lalli than it is for Emil! Maybe so. He'd like to be able to look at Emil without feeling like he doesn't deserve to, for whatever reason, so as nice as it is to hear Emil say that it doesn't hurt now? Nah. Lalli slowly shakes his head, because that... doesn't matter.]
But it did. Because of me. [Emil just fuckin' said as much—but damn, but if saying that out loud doesn't sting! Ugh.] I did this to you, and I—
[I wish you would have left me when I told you to? I wish you hadn't been so stupid? He could deflect this... in all manner of ways, just like he always does; after all, it's easier to be annoyed than admit that he's done a Bad Thing, but while he feels that familiar frustration bubbling within him as he looks down at those puncture wounds... well! Well. Okay. His friend deserves an honest effort here, so it's time for two soft, simple words:]
I'm... sorry.
[And when was the last time he apologized to someone? Whew. Please appreciate this gargantuan effort.]
[The effort is noted and appreciated!! Emil blinks at him first - is this really an apology? He's not being called stupid again, Lalli has used manners? It's remarkable purely on the level of... being the only person in the world who tries to get Lalli to use manners, for one. But deeper than that- softer- it's something Emil knows Lalli wouldn't even think of doing for someone else. It's effort for him, which makes this a very tender moment for their very good friendship. Oh boy.
But maybe he should say something. Ahem!]
I... Thanks. I already forgave you, you know.
[Even if Lalli thought it was stupid of him to do that, even if he only implied it with a lot of "I'm not mad," saying it now is the done thing. And it's true, because it's been true for a week now, so just accept it.
He turns his arm in Lalli's grip, both to get him to stop staring at those bite spots and to bump the back of his hand into Lalli's arm in the world's worst friendly punch. Hey... how are those emotions.]
Well, I'm glad you said something.
[Eventually. Conceptually, instead of staring at him in morose silence.]
[At the end of the day, apologizing... doesn't do much? Or it shouldn't, anyway, because what's more important is understanding why he, of all people, made a mistake—and making sure that he never, ever makes such a mistake again. That's just good sense!
And yet it's amazing how saying two (2) stupid words makes Lalli feel... hmm. Well. I's a complicated thing, you know? Like, he is, and always will be, annoyed that Emil remains willing to take stupid, stupid risks; he is, and always will be, frustrated with himself for losing control this one time, but it's still oddly nice to hear Emil say that this... apology wasn't a wasted effort. He did the right thing. This Very Important Person forgives him, even though he absolutely shouldn't. Whew.
...Whew. Yes, he feels that weird, friendly... whatever that gesture is, but give him a second here to just, like? Deflate? To contemplate how he feels (barely) lighter for no reason whatsoever. Sorry he's focusing on that and not the fact that he's still holding onto Emil's arm, because hey, he can only think about so many things at once. He's not even going to remember to say you're welcome...]
Hm. [A thoughtful-ish hum, then, before he weighs his words and settles for the easy-yet-complicated truth.] ...I am, too.
[He really IS glad that he spoke up, and is it any wonder he sounds mildly surprised about that. It's wEIRD! Another thing that's fine specifically because Emil is involved.
Anyway, all of this emotional labor... was taxing! Whoa! He can't even muster the energy to call Emil stupid... like, what if he just never speaks again...]
[And so... they're good now? That's it? Emil waits, like perhaps Lalli has even more miraculous sentences to share with him, but the silence that follows isn't uncomfortable the way it has been; nothing feels so weighed down with this thing that they weren't talking about, like the past whole week.
So! Great! He smiles, then turns that beam of pure friendship delight on the fireplace instead, so as not to blind anybody. He was fine, for sure, but if Lalli is back to normal now... well! That feels good in its own way, doesn't it? It does.]
Hmm! Okay. Good!
[Yeah!! He twists a little, to reach over with his other hand and ruffle Lalli's hair for the briefest of seconds, smoothing it back into place without leaving time to object. Take his messy affection in all of its forms, thank you, and enjoy this...
And now it's his turn to fill the air with Emil Noise, as the lord intended.]
Does that mean you want to hear about what I saw someone doing today? [he SO does--] You know how people around here sell their parts? Well, I saw someone buy a packet of scales- [disgusting!] -and then she ate one! In public!
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Whatever! He seems to have a whole mini-conversation with himself about this, deciding that Lalli is always going to be weird and waving a hand to dismiss, perhaps, the comment he doesn't make about Lalli being a weirdo.
Okay.]
Fine, sure. I just wanted to know how your day was.
[Specifically, why he decided to seek Emil out and have him come sit on this bench instead of just existing near him for a week, but this basic information will suffice.]
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Aha. [Then Emil should have just asked, Lalli thinks, but for once he doesn't say it. He has other things on his mind; it's why he looks back at the fire, frowning lightly as he considers how, exactly, to properly answer that not!question. His day was...] ...Long.
[Long and lonely, even though Lalli generally enjoys running about by himself. And you know, if he's being honest with himself, the past seven or so days have all felt long and lonely—and this trend is sure to continue if he doesn't fix this problem right here, right now, which is why he sighs before shifting his attention back to Emil. Nothing in life is easy! He knows this! And the longer he draws this particular thing out, the more difficult it becomes, so what if he just... holds a hand out between them? Palm up. Expectant.]
Give me your hand.
[The one attached to the wrist he CHOMPED ON, which he communicates by pointedly glancing down at it. Surely he's not making this situation any weirder.]
no subject
Ummm... okay.
[He holds his hand up, haltingly, and just as awkwardly holds it out for Lalli to... do something with. It's so much less awkward to fix each other's hair without having to talk about it than do, hmm, anything like this, so that's something. He's still giving up his hand for this, so to reiterate one last time here with this action: he's not even mad about being chomped on the last time! This is a safe decision!
Truly this is Acceptance.]
What are you doing?
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...Well. He needs to see those pale, barely visible marks in Emil's skin for Reasons, hence his simple explanation:]
Looking.
[At the damage he caused. No, these aren't the worst wounds anyone has been forced to deal with. Yes, Emil has certainly suffered worse—but he suffered these particular wounds because Lalli lost control, a Twinge-inducing thought that prompts him to slide his hand back down Emil's forearm, to lightly brush a thumb over those two spots.]
...It hurt.
[It's a flatly spoken fact, but he glances back up at Emil for... confirmation? Acknowledgment.]
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You did bite me. Of course it hurt!
[Jeez! He shrugs, tugging at his own sleeve now just for something to look at besides Lalli looking at him. His sleeve doesn't really need straightening, but you know what? This is A Conversation they're having, huh.
For the record, he thinks, it also hurt when he fell in a frozen hole in the street, or when Mikkel clubbed him in the leg, or when he toppled stupidly out of his bunk on the train— the point being: when isn't Emil getting hurt? Ha.
He looks up from his sleeve, which is now neatly folded up by his elbow, but only on the side he can comfortably reach without pulling his hand away from Lalli. Sacrifices.]
...It doesn't hurt anymore.
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So you know, maybe this song and dance is more for Lalli than it is for Emil! Maybe so. He'd like to be able to look at Emil without feeling like he doesn't deserve to, for whatever reason, so as nice as it is to hear Emil say that it doesn't hurt now? Nah. Lalli slowly shakes his head, because that... doesn't matter.]
But it did. Because of me. [Emil just fuckin' said as much—but damn, but if saying that out loud doesn't sting! Ugh.] I did this to you, and I—
[I wish you would have left me when I told you to? I wish you hadn't been so stupid? He could deflect this... in all manner of ways, just like he always does; after all, it's easier to be annoyed than admit that he's done a Bad Thing, but while he feels that familiar frustration bubbling within him as he looks down at those puncture wounds... well! Well. Okay. His friend deserves an honest effort here, so it's time for two soft, simple words:]
I'm... sorry.
[And when was the last time he apologized to someone? Whew. Please appreciate this gargantuan effort.]
no subject
But maybe he should say something. Ahem!]
I... Thanks. I already forgave you, you know.
[Even if Lalli thought it was stupid of him to do that, even if he only implied it with a lot of "I'm not mad," saying it now is the done thing. And it's true, because it's been true for a week now, so just accept it.
He turns his arm in Lalli's grip, both to get him to stop staring at those bite spots and to bump the back of his hand into Lalli's arm in the world's worst friendly punch. Hey... how are those emotions.]
Well, I'm glad you said something.
[Eventually. Conceptually, instead of staring at him in morose silence.]
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And yet it's amazing how saying two (2) stupid words makes Lalli feel... hmm. Well. I's a complicated thing, you know? Like, he is, and always will be, annoyed that Emil remains willing to take stupid, stupid risks; he is, and always will be, frustrated with himself for losing control this one time, but it's still oddly nice to hear Emil say that this... apology wasn't a wasted effort. He did the right thing. This Very Important Person forgives him, even though he absolutely shouldn't. Whew.
...Whew. Yes, he feels that weird, friendly... whatever that gesture is, but give him a second here to just, like? Deflate? To contemplate how he feels (barely) lighter for no reason whatsoever. Sorry he's focusing on that and not the fact that he's still holding onto Emil's arm, because hey, he can only think about so many things at once. He's not even going to remember to say you're welcome...]
Hm. [A thoughtful-ish hum, then, before he weighs his words and settles for the easy-yet-complicated truth.] ...I am, too.
[He really IS glad that he spoke up, and is it any wonder he sounds mildly surprised about that. It's wEIRD! Another thing that's fine specifically because Emil is involved.
Anyway, all of this emotional labor... was taxing! Whoa! He can't even muster the energy to call Emil stupid... like, what if he just never speaks again...]
no subject
So! Great! He smiles, then turns that beam of pure friendship delight on the fireplace instead, so as not to blind anybody. He was fine, for sure, but if Lalli is back to normal now... well! That feels good in its own way, doesn't it? It does.]
Hmm! Okay. Good!
[Yeah!! He twists a little, to reach over with his other hand and ruffle Lalli's hair for the briefest of seconds, smoothing it back into place without leaving time to object. Take his messy affection in all of its forms, thank you, and enjoy this...
And now it's his turn to fill the air with Emil Noise, as the lord intended.]
Does that mean you want to hear about what I saw someone doing today? [he SO does--] You know how people around here sell their parts? Well, I saw someone buy a packet of scales- [disgusting!] -and then she ate one! In public!
[Even worse!!!!]