illequipped | i make another inbox post

[Does Lalli see Emil every single day? Yes. Is it still nice to be reminded that he'll see Emil again relatively soon? Yes, even though the only response Emil gets is a nod before Lalli turns to leave. The time for softness is over, as disappointing as it is; Lalli is now in... work mode! Yeah!

So away Lalli goes, doing his absolute best not to think about Emil, or kisses, or the fact that he's both wonderful and liked as he zips about the city. It's, um, surprisingly easy, actually; sniffing out webs while keeping an eye out for anything suspicious requires a great deal of focus, but by the time his shift is over and he slowly heads home... hmm. No distractions means that Emil is, like, all that Lalli is thinking about, and maybe that's the real danger of kissing—well, liking someone so very much... an ever-present want...

...It's another thing for Lalli to wonder about, especially after he slips back into their room and pads over to the bed. Ah, but Sleepymil is still so beautiful? Lalli feels his chest tighten right back up as he blinks down at his... friend, as he reaches out to lightly brush his fingertips across his... friend's cheek, but while the temptation to shake this boy awake for a second time is strong—no, no. It's better to just, you know, pull away and go change out of his work clothes, because as nothing has shifted, there's always... later. Hopefully.]

[Emil tries so, so hard to stay awake. Really, he does. But the bed is still warm, and even without Lalli right here next to him, thinking about him makes Emil feel all... soft and sappy, and ready to knock out honestly not long after Lalli leaves. It's fine! He won't be awake when Lalli comes back, but he'll be awake, uh... well before Lalli wants to get up in the morning, now that he's had a day nap and a good chunk of proper sleep.

So later is right now, or rather, not long after Lalli comes back to the room, as Emil stirs from the vague sounds of someone moving around (or: plot contrivance) and blinks up at the ceiling. Hmm, it's still mostly dark... hmm.

When he comes to his senses and realizes he's awake, he slowly turns his head... aha. Lalli has been here, and now when Lalli is ready for his sleepy adventure, Emil will be here, to stare at him for a change. Hello, it's so good to see the boy returning and not being delivered unconscious.]

Hey.

[Work clothes: off. Comfy lounging clothes: on. And that's it, honestly! That's Lalli's nightly routine, even though he's vaguely aware that he should go, like, brush his teeth again or something. He's tired...

...But as tired as he really, truly is, it's amazing how awake he suddenly feels when he hears that one little word come from behind him. Emil? ...Emil. Lalli turns, pulling his collar down past his chin as he wastes no time making his way back over to the bed. Time to be cool, time to be casual, time to say:]

Hello.

[Good... morning? Or should he say good night, because it's still entirely too early for Emil to be awake; it's why Lalli blinks down at him for a moment, confused, before he reaches out to brush down a bit of hair that's all fluffed up. This is still fine, yes... hmm...]

...You were asleep.

[No "I thought you were asleep," because Lalli checked! There's nothing weird about that at all!]

[Pick up a hairbrush... do it for Emil... or not. He'll fuss about it in the morning. The proper morning? You know, never mind! It's sleepy morning-ish time now.]

I tried to stay up, [he says, like he needs to defend his falling asleep. He tried, therefore no one can complain, in case anyone wanted to complain. How about he reaches up to take Lalli's hand and squeeze it instead of whatever he's trying to say? That's better.]

How was the, uh... running around?

[How was work, dear, and also come to bed with him, but he has to work up to that.]

[Maybe Lalli will brush his hair for him! Later. When Lalli isn't, like, constantly fighting the urge to yawn, but for now—this simple contact will have to do. Hand-holding... nice...

Anyway, how was work? Pfft. Lalli pulls a face, both because work is more than just "running around" and because he doesn't feel like going into detail about... webs, and weird people doing weird things in the middle of the night. Why can't he just mess with Emil's hair in silence for another few minutes...]

Quiet. [Okay, he can't help it! He has to turn his head to the side and yawn.] ...Long.

[But fine, really, which is why he does his best to (weakly) return that hand squeeze. He's sleepy; talking is... so hard.]

[Look, Emil doesn't know what Lalli really does out there, doing the scout thing? He has the basic idea, but add in the recent problems with webs and weirdos at night and he's lost again. It doesn't matter right this second - Lalli is tired, which makes his attempts to keep conversing cute, which gives Emil the courage he needs to ask this very bold thing he's about to ask.]

Hmm. Do you want to come here?

[Sleep here, with him... he's giving the option to roll under the bed because he's very generous! And he knows how clingy he is and how that's probably not super appealing at all times, but still. Like. Does his preference for where Lalli sleeps really need to be stated? No.]

[It's not... the most surprising question in the world. They did just spend the better part of the day curled up together, and there was some sleeping involved; it was, mmm, quite nice, and he wouldn't mind repeating it soon, but something about repeating it now gives him pause. He's tired! He's prickly! His patience—which is already thin at the best of times—is practically non-existent, so the idea of Emil doing too much, of being too much, is—

...Well. There is... a chance that being held might become overwhelming; like, there might come a time when he needs to roll away and just breathe for a bit, and yet the thought of lying beside Emil is still a welcome one. He was warm and comfortable and so, so happy earlier? And what's the difference, really, between napping and sleeping... what's the harm in seeing how this goes...]

Mmh.

[An eventual yes, then, as he lifts a knee onto the bed and gestures for Emil to roll the heck over. Give him the warm spot! If he's going to try this thing, it's only fair.]

[It's a very tense couple seconds down here on the bed, looking up at Lalli and just waiting. Emil tells himself he's definitely, for certain, not going to be bothered if Lalli says no, he'd rather sleep by himself, but boy... he can't even convince himself. Luckily, he doesn't have to! So lucky.

This is not at all how romance works, but he can scoot over to make room, sure. Come here, come here.]

I won't bother you with more questions! You should sleep.

[There will be time enough for talking later, when everyone is properly rested. Plus, honestly? He's not that, uh, interested in what weird things Lalli saw out there in the city at night. Something gross and dangerous, probably - that's enough for him.

So - this, being together again, and the simple delight in it. He's trying so hard not to be weird.]

[This is how romance works when Lalli is involved, so Emil is just going to have to deal with all of his hard work (re: hours spent occupying the same spot) being used for someone else's gain. ...Lalli's gain, specifically, and boy, is he pleased. It's too warm outside for him to be cold, but running around at night can occasionally be a chilly thing; it's why he can't help but to sigh as he pulls the covers up and around him, tucking his chin into them as he closes his eyes. It even smells like Emil... that's nice...

But the real Emil is still, you know, right there, which is why Lalli cracks his eyes open just enough to look back at him. He should indeed sleep; he will sleep, but not before he pulls a hand free of the blanket and reaches out to, like, lightly touch Emil's cheek, almost like he's making sure that Emil is really, truly here. Plus, well—there's still a bit of space between them, you see. He has to make sure Emil isn't too far.]

[He's trying even harder not to be weird... but when Lalli reaches for him, Emil takes that as the go-ahead to reach for him and smooth his hair back from his face. This mop definitely needs a brush, which also can wait until morning. He's likely to fall asleep a third time soon enough, but he has enough in him right now to pet Lalli's hair until he falls asleep.

It's only fair.]

Good night, Lalli.

[It's true! This is what Lalli deserves, which is why even his sleepy self looks decidedly pleased with this current level of attention. Messing with his hair is, without a doubt, juuuust fine. It even earns Emil a soft little cheek pat as Lalli feels sleep creeping right up on him, because even though Lalli wouldn't mind staying awake for a few more minutes... even though it would be nice to be kissed again, just to know that kissing is still a Thing that can and will happen...]

'Night...

[And that's, like, all Lalli has to offer as he slips his hand down to rest between them? Close enough to Emil for Lalli to feel his warmth as he drifts right off. He'll evaluate this in the morning, of course, but for now—well! Good night, indeed!]

[Heck... yeah, sleep time. Emil doesn't make it much longer, as promised, but luckily he doesn't fall asleep with his hand flopped uselessly on Lalli's face. It's been a good day and now it's been a good night, as a bonus, and yes - he will indeed wake up earlier than Lalli, since he got about five times the sleep Lalli did...

So! Now that it's morning, proper morning, and he's avoiding going to Obligatory Training for as long as possible as usual, it's his turn to watch Lalli until he wakes up. This is... a good boy! A fine boy, who makes Emil very happy, and hopefully will continue to make him happy specifically through kisses, later on—

Hmm, yes. But Emil can't stare for as long as Lalli can, so eventually he will wiggle out of bed very carefully, from the other end, so as not to wake him up, and head off to brush his teeth and make sure he looks very pretty for the training he doesn't want to go to. Superb. Then he will return to the bed and lean over Lalli, considering... Yes, he will kiss him on the cheek to wake him up. Hey! Wake up and pay attention to him!]

[And Lalli is tired enough to sleep through absolutely everything, The End. Or: Lalli is indeed dead tired, but while he misses out on all of that early morning staring (sad), the feeling of something lightly brushing against his cheek is—hmm. It's not enough to fully wake him; it is, however, enough to kick-start the process, which is why his face twitches ever so slightly before he tucks his chin closer to his chest. It's surely too early to be messed with, so please, Emil—

...Oh. Emil. As sluggish as... everything about him is at this point in time, that name—and all the thoughts it sparks—pushes him to eventually, slowly crack open his eyes. Emil should be right there in front of him? Emil was right there in front of him, back when he fell asleep, but all Lalli sees now is... an empty spot. ...Well.

Lalli's hands are still, like, curled in the space that was between himself and Emil; it takes no effort to move one over to that empty space, fingers feeling for warmth even as his barely conscious self realizes that there's, you know, someone behind him. It takes a surprising amount of effort to turn his head and, like, blearily blink up at them, but it's definitely the person who should be here, in bed, right where his hand is...]

...Emil?

[Why is the boy THERE and not HERE! ...But hey, this is almost like his old dream? And the dream-that-was-not-a-dream? Emil hovering over him isn't a bad thing to wake up to at all, even if Lalli still feels all gross and slow. No talking; only sleepy staring, because hey, maybe he's dreaming again.]

[Sometimes a boy just has to go to the bathroom, damn, Lalli. Emil is still hovering over him while he does this sleepy thing, waiting... waiting... aha. All it takes is Lalli finally looking up at him for him to beam right back, definitely too awake for this hour even for him - but such is the consequence of sleeping as much as he did yesterday.]

Hey! It's morning.

[Like, no shit, but that's also his feeble excuse for why he's up and about and waking people up to enjoy this morning with him. He reaches down to sort of nudge Lalli's hip with the back of his hand to get him to scoot over but sits down anyway, squeezing himself onto what available edge of the bed there is so he can still loom over him... but comfortably! Genius. Hi.]

I probably can't get away with skipping that horrible training again, but I wanted to see you first.

[Awake, specifically. And he'll certainly be in trouble for the training he's already consciously skipped more than once, but that's Emil-in-an-hour's problem, not his right now. Now is looking at Lalli and reaching over him to hold his wandering hand. Hello, he's over here, love him. This... is the true clingy Emil experience (tm).]

[Suddenly waking up back in the tank was one thing; suddenly waking up in this bed is something else entirely, so pair that with how exhausted he is and he just needs a few extra seconds to come up to speed. It would be easier, perhaps, if Emil wasn't talking, but... ah, well. Lalli can deal with Emil chattering and nudging and leaning over him, especially when he focuses less on the words and more on the smile directed at him. Bright...

Too bright for this early morning hour, really, and yet Lalli still shifts onto his back to get a better look, fingers curling around Emil's as he brings that hand over with him. Their hands can temporarily rest... here, on his chest, as the word "training" lodges itself in Lalli's sleepy brain. He should go to that, too? He should, but the thought alone leads to him making a disgruntled noise. He's tired! Too tired to fuss with words, but training is obviously not something he's all that excited about.

Plus it's not as important as this. For... now, anyway, and that's why he sees nothing wrong with stretching his free hand up to Emil's cheek. This dream-that-was-not-a-dream redo is long overdo, and even if things are still new enough to be a bit weird—well, damn. He wants to enjoy this, at least, so instead of talking, just let him... touch.]

[Emil is never excited about training, so at least they can agree on that topic this morning. Waking Lalli up at this hour, on the other hand... mmm, it's too late now, anyway! And this somewhat new position they're in is, hmm, better this time, or so he hopes. He tilts his head into Lalli's hand with a softer smile, content for the moment to look at him fondly like this.

...So, like, for a minute or so, before he has to speak again or his brain stops working.]

Next time I'll let you sleep. [probably,] But, you know, after yesterday... Well, this is good, right?

[This is still a cool, okay thing to do? Seems like it, but now is the time to object, if ever. Let him know.]

[A minute is fine. A minute of silence allows Lalli to concentrate on waking the heck up, even if Emil tilting into his touch like that is, you know, quite the distraction. A good one, though, because would Emil do this now if everything that happened before was...

Well! It just seems like a positive sign, even if Lalli isn't used to such things; it's why he looks almost, um, puzzled by Emil's question. Of course it's good? Unless it's... not good for one of them, which definitely isn't him. Ah. ...Hmm. Maybe it's time to use actual words.]

...Yes? [Duh?] Yesterday was good.

[And so today is good! This is good. For both of them, hopefully, which is why Lalli hums, trying to think of a better way to put things as he mimics Emil's patented thumb-over-the-cheekbone move. Yes, he's tired, and yes, more sleep would be excellent, but when everything is said and done—]

It's... very good that you're here. Like this.

[Wonderfully descriptive. 10/10. Give his tired self a medal.]

[Look, Emil is pretty sure his people skills- or more appropriately, his Lalli skills, because he has no people skills to speak of after putting all of his people-points into Lalli specifically- aren't leading him astray with the assumption that Lalli still wanting to touch his face is a great sign. He's got that, don't worry. But sometimes he just likes to hear things out loud for once, so thank you, best boy, for using real words. He is... very, very glad to hear all of that, out loud.]

Oh, good. I really would like to never go to training again so I have much more time for this.

[So, outlook: fantastic! Fantastic enough for him to lean all the way down and press a quick kiss to Lalli's forehead, you know, to really drive the point home. Personal goals for the near future now include but are not limited to: kissing Lalli, and skipping all other responsibilities.

In conclusion, Emil is a grown adult who knows exactly what he's doing. He squeezes Lalli's hand for emphasis.]

Do you think... hmm. [Are they gonna Discuss Their Feelings anytime soon... Maybe. Emil will consider bringing it up.] Well, never mind. If you're happy, then I'm happy.

[Training is a necessary evil! Lalli doesn't mind it a solid ninety percent of the time, but all it takes is one (1) forehead kiss for him to decide that this morning's training session is going to be such a waste. He knows that he needs more rest, anyway—his job affords him some leeway—and Emil needs to, uh, stay here with him. To make sure that he's happy, since that apparently determines his happiness, too, and isn't that something... isn't it strange to know that his happiness actually matters to another person...

...Wild. Lalli leaves his hand on Emil's cheek for another few seconds, thinking things through, before he brings it back down just so he can... awkwardly push himself up. He was perfectly comfortable, perfectly positioned for more forehead kisses, but all of those soft feelings are back; he won't be able to slip back to sleep for a good while and he knows it, so—he's here! Awake! Wondering what Emil was thinking about as he, like, sets their joined hands down on the bed between them and blinks over at him!]

Mm. I am.

[A simple, quiet statement, just to get that out of the way, before he cants his head slightly to the side. Once being happy—and openly admitting it—would have been so, so strange, but that's the thing about Emil! Emil has spent the past three or so months doing his best to make sure that Lalli happy. Emil consistently makes Lalli happy, and that makes Lalli want to, mmm, try his best to return the favor so—]

...Am I supposed to be thinking? About... something. [Like, about a particular thing that may or may not be important to Emil, or? Hmm.] Are you thinking about it?

[What is he missing. Does he need to reestablish their mental link this early in the morning.]

[Ah, Emil's looming time is over... Don't get him wrong; he's glad, thrilled even, to hear Lalli confirm that he is, in fact, happy with this- with, hm, him- but he was also totally prepared to not talk about it anymore. He wonders if he's being silly - whatever nebulous thing existed between them before, it's taken a more definite... shape now, hasn't it? Much less nebulous.

Emil doesn't even know what nebulous means, so maybe he's right to feel a little in over his head. He wiggles his fingers in Lalli's grip, looking down at their hands with a hum. Is there something to think about and is he thinking about it? Well.

Did he not say never mind-!! Well.]

Uhhh, yes. I'm thinking.

[Lalli, please... he's drowning here... catch on!!]

About... you? I think about you a lot.

[Saying never mind is practically begging someone to mind, even if it's a socially inept Finn. Lalli is... curious! Not terribly concerned, thanks to the (very nice) forehead kiss he received, but—hmm. He's genuinely comfortable around Emil these days, and yet there's always the niggling fear that he's missing... something.

So what is he expecting here? He doesn't know, but what he gets is somewhat of a relief.]

Ah.

[It's wonderful to hear that he's often on Emil's mind; a not-so-small part of him is rather smug about that, but as he follows Emil's gaze down to their hands, he isn't... shocked? Of course Emil thinks about him. Emil does more for him than anyone else, tries more than anyone else, and obviously that requires thought. Care. It just makes sense, now that he's forced to think about it. And then there's also...himself, hence the bit of silence as he works out what he wants to say and how he wants to say it.]

I think about you. A lot. Even when I— [Mmph.] I'm not trying to. [And maybe that would have been scary, once. Maybe it's still slightly scary, but as he turns Emil's hand, pressing the back of it against the bed so he can try to slide his fingers between Emil's:] I... like thinking about you. When you're here, and when you're somewhere else.

[Because Emil is a spot of sunshine, really, but! He looks back up at Emil, ignoring his flustered feelings—because whew, what an admission!—while he studies that face. They're fine, right? Even. He's talking so much at this early hour, so he's doing great, yes?]

Edited 2019-05-21 08:04 (UTC)

[In Emil's very valuable and informed opinion he is doing great, actually, saying all these words. Specifically, all these words about how enjoyable it is to think about Emil, and how often he does it... If Emil felt any more light and giddy about that he'd probably take flight! Damn!

So, hurriedly when Lalli looks at him, like if he doesn't say something affirming right the hell now, he will be the worst... best friend ever:]

That's good! Well, for me. And you! [oof] I'm glad.

[He squeezes Lalli's hand for more emphasis, glancing off to the side when he feels his face heating up - to collect his many disorganized, sappy thoughts. Lalli thinks about him all the time, he likes thinking about him all the time... Rather than feeling smug about it, all he feels is a rush of appreciation—it's nice to know Lalli thinks about him when he's not around!

Not that he's not around very often, not that it's nice even comes close to expressing the thousand feelings Emil has bouncing around in his big, stupid heart. Not at all. But I-like-you and it's-nice-when are things he can handle, so... It's nice.

He looks back at Lalli.]

...Um. [And words have failed him, as always when being articulate is involved, but this feels like a moment of some significance; time to do something, so. Therefore. He shifts minutely, to lean closer to Lalli and touch his face with his free hand. He traces fingertips along Lalli's jaw, pausing under his chin and- so boldly- brushing his thumb over the corner of his mouth.

Ten minutes after waking up is precisely the time to do this heart-pounding, deeply serious thing, for sure. Emil knows what he's doing. He takes a moment to, like, breathe. Ah—]

I... want to kiss you. [....] Um, here.

[Thinking about Emil is good, for both of them, but saying the right thing here—or, well, thinking he said the right thing here—is even better; now Lalli can relax and, you know, quietly enjoy watching Emil's face turn an interesting shade of red, because as nice as it is to be understood, some things still require serious effort to express? It's far too early. He's far too tired. And really, given the way Emil looks back at him just to say a single stupid syllable, a brief break is clearly needed.

...Or maybe it isn't, Lalli thinks as he watches Emil stretch a hand out toward him, feels Emil's fingers skim along his jawline while he remains frozen in place. Maybe it isn't. He sucks in a quiet breath, holding it in as that thumb just barely grazes against his lips, because—ah, but that's odd? A tiny touch shouldn't make him shiver, especially not after everything that came before it, and yet it... does.

Not that he notices it, truth be told. It's little more than a blip on Lalli's (subconscious) radar while he blinks back at Emil and shifts his thoughts away from breaks and right toward... kissing. Being kissed. How it would feel for Emil's lips—which Lalli's eyes drift right down to, shamelessly—to press against his.

Well! Lalli feels a flutter of excitement, a rush of warmth, a... hint of impatience? It's good that Emil, ah, asked for permission, as it were; add it to the list of things that sets Emil apart from others, but now that Lalli is thinking about this thing he very much wants to happen—hmm! He tears his eyes away from Emil's lips (Lalli's verdict: soft), a breath finally escaping him as he meets those blue eyes once more. Is he supposed to say something here... probably, since he's dealing with Emil...]

...You can.

[If he wants to, but it's... more than that! Lalli wants him to, which is why he lifts his chin the slightest bit, why he gently tugs their joined hands back toward him. Not, uh, very far; they only move an inch or so his way, really, but it's still an obvious invitation. Come here. Kiss him before he leans in and does it himself.]

[Asking- sort of- to kiss a boy first thing in the morning is stressful and exhausting, is what Emil is learning very quickly right here and now. He doesn't think, not really, that Lalli will suddenly decide he's the least kissable person to ever live, but it's still worth asking first lest he embarrass them both. Mostly himself. Really, deep down, he's actually pretty confident this is going to go the way he wants!

That doesn't stop his traitor heart from beating out of control, though, or his face from flushing even darker when Lalli looks at his lips, but he's pretty sure... that this - you know, asking - is just one of those things he should do, because he knows Lalli very well and doesn't want to smash his face into Lalli's shoulder because he dodges at the precisely wrong time, and— and alright, so he's nervous. It's a lot! A lot of waiting, and being very aware of his own mouth the longer Lalli looks at him like that, considering him, jeez—

And hmm!]

Oh! Um, hold still— [He blinks a few times, then smiles, sheepish despite himself and the rush of affection that wells up in his chest when Lalli does all of this demanding tugging and looking at him very particularly. That's what it takes to calm his nerves, somehow, Lalli being greedy for kisses—but Emil is not going to self-reflect on that right now, because it's Kiss Time. It is... the moment.

Staring for any longer feels silly, now; Emil slides his hand to the back of Lalli's neck as he leans in, luckily having the foresight to not kiss his own thumb on Lalli's mouth, how embarrassing would that be... Well.

Never mind that now; he stops thinking about whether or not he'll mess up for once, and at just the right time, and presses his lips against Lalli's.

First read on New Kissing: hell yes.]

[Oh, Lalli is definitely greedy, but there's also the vague idea that this kiss should happen... sooner rather than later. The more time they spend looking at one another, the more time Lalli has to think about how weird kissing someone on the mouth actually is. It's still a thing that he wants, but taking this particular theory and putting it into practice is so...

Well, it's just better if things happen quickly? In this one case, anyway, because it makes everything—the way his pulse quickens, the way the room suddenly seems very warm, the way it feels to have Emil's hand lightly pressing against the back of his neck—somehow easier to deal with; he barely has time to consider one thing, let alone all of them, before Emil closes the distance between them and... kisses him.

...Ah.

To his credit, he doesn't move—which means that he, ah, isn't really coming at this from the correct angle. Like, his nose winds up bumping against Emil's cheek before he even considers that maybe he, too, is supposed to turn his head just so, but that solid idea is temporarily muffled by simpler, louder thoughts. Emil's lips... are soft! And there's something, mmm, wonderful about this thing he expected; it's enough to make Lalli's head swim, even though this kiss isn't all that different from the many others they've shared. Huh.

But after a few seconds have passed? After that initial shock fades? As good—as great—as things are, the urge to readjust is soon front and center once more; Lalli tries to ignore it for a second or so, but then, with a quiet hum, he gives in and pulls back the slightest bit. The tiniest amount. He doesn't want to go anywhere! He just wants to breathe, to oh-so briefly take in the sight of Emil's face so very close to his own, before he tilts his head and comes right back in for another careful kiss. This is... nice! Surprisingly easy(ish), despite the way his heart is absolutely pounding. Maybe he'll even figure out what to do with his free hand in another minute or so.]

the monday mood is kissing tags at 8am

illequipped - 2019-05-24 12:12 (UTC) - Expand

and now we are finally free of the monday mood... anyway, let's wrap this

ilves - 2019-05-26 00:53 (UTC) - Expand

i make another inbox post

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this thread can't die until furry time

congrats, you earned this: https://i.imgur.com/nVDUZ4B.jpg

i'll take it

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overdo... overdue... i can't believe you didn't roast me for that

would you believe....i didn't notice

shocking

i know, i've been slacking

the monday mood

the monday mood is saying monday mood on tuesday bc what a monday mood

the monday mood (tm) lasts until 5pm on friday tbh

you're so right. the monday mood is minna giving us info pages

the truest monday mood is you reminding me of this sad fact! ugh

the monday mood is kissing tags at 8am

and now we are finally free of the monday mood... anyway, let's wrap this