illequipped | i make another inbox post

[So maybe this is the day Emil learns that he can now easily motivate Lalli to do... almost anything. Good? Bad? More of the former than the latter, surely, but please cut Lalli's small, gay heart some slack; as difficult as he is—as stubborn as he is—he's weak to this one (1) boy who consistently treats him so much better than anyone has ever really treated him before. Weird!

In a great way, though. The best way. Like, his face is still warm; he still kind-of-sort-of wants to (gently) push Emil's face down into the pillow, just to give himself a brief break from that look, but when Emil kisses his cheek again... hmm. When Emil tells him he's wonderful... hmm. Oh, he knows what that whole not-playing-along thing is about, but...]

Hrmh. [Lalli noises. They come standard.] ...Swedish is weird? And too long. This is better.

[Anyway, if he's wonderful, surely it wasn't a big deal at all! That's what he's going with as he slides his hand back into Emil's hair and tries to, like, pull him back down toward his cheek. He's wonderful! He deserves this! And he's also, mmm, very red, but Emil can't see that if he's busy kissing him two or three more times. It's a perfect strategy.]

[Aha, he has so much power now... too bad he, too, is a terminally gay baby, and at most he'll want to motivate Lalli to, like, kiss him a lot. Lofty goals. Maybe he'll motivate Lalli to sleep in the bed overnight! Now that's daring!

Until then: more kisses. He scoffs, but it's not serious; he knows in his heart that Swedish is the superior language, so it's fine if Lalli wants to, hmm, lie to himself. This is romance.]

It's not weird, but you do have a point.

[About the other thing, that is. He slides his hand to the back of Lalli's neck with a sort of... giddy finger wiggle, to put his excess dopey energy somewhere as he leans in to kiss his cheek again. One cheek kiss, then another, inching down towards his jawline... this was very exciting when Lalli did it to him earlier, so what if he tried it... Let him know!!]

[Oh, Swedish is definitely weird. That, uh, finger wiggle is weird, too, albeit in a decidedly different way; like, the back of his neck is just one of those places no one has ever really touched before—on purpose, anyway—but even though he automatically tenses... it's fine? It's fine. There are other things to focus on, like the way Emil's hair is brushing against him, and the kisses(!) dipping... lower...

Well! There's a sharp inhale of surprise, but after a split-second of consideration—hmm, hmm, hmm. Lalli lifts his chin the slightest bit, allowing for easier access as he wills himself to relax. Being kissed has been great so far, so... continue! Yeah! He'll just keep his hand curled in Emil's hair as he waits.]

[Two things Emil realizes at once, when Lalli not only doesn't push his face away, but even moves to encourage him: first, oh, they're... certainly doing this! He can't even count how many lines this is crossing and re-crossing, but if he wants to do this, and Lalli wants him to do this, then - it should be alright? It feels alright. Second, he's not sure he mentally prepared for Lalli to actually let him do this, so oh boy, here's hoping he doesn't vaporize on the spot.

So, alright, here he goes. He brushes his fingers against the back of Lalli's neck more gently, a comforting gesture, pressing a kiss to the same spot he did a moment ago. That's one, then two, along his jaw, and three, further down, towards his neck... Emil's face is all but literally burning with each new kiss, so it's a blessing that he doesn't have to look Lalli in the eye while doing this. That would really be the end of him...

But now he's stuck, from nerves and wondering just how far he really should push this thing, so he pauses before tucking his face against Lalli's shoulder. Hello, don't look at him, he's dying.]

...W-well, what do you think of that? [...he says, to Lalli's collarbone, so smoothly.]

[It's obvious where those kisses are leading? Emil can only go so far down before he hits something entirely new, and Lalli knows this, but it's still somewhat of a shock to feel those lips come closer and closer to his neck. That is... such a vulnerable spot! Emil nearing it is, ah, exciting and worrying, all at once, and Lalli's fingers instinctively tighten in all of that hair as he works out what, exactly, he should do. Keep Emil close, pull Emil away... honestly, he wants to do both...

And that, of course, is stupid, which is why it's a good thing that Emil pulls away of his own accord... even if he does wind up sticking, um, very close indeed. Aha. It's strange to feel Emil talking; plus there's also a part of him that knows Emil can probably-definitely feel his heart racing, if that dumb boy is paying any attention at all, but! Well! As terrible as Lalli is at picking up on these things, Emil clearly sounds just as flustered as he feels, and you know, that's... something. Maybe.

...Maybe. Lalli releases the breath he wasn't even aware he was holding, flexing his hand a bit—loosening his grip—as he considers that (awkward) question.]

It— [No, no. Hold on.] ...I liked it.

[He did, he realizes as he says this. He really, really did. ...Huh. Lalli turns that over in his mind, a soft hum escaping him before he begins slowly carding his fingers through Emil's hair. Why did he like it, though, when it was soooo... nerve-racking? Well, that's simple enough—]

It was good, because you're you. [This makes perfect sense to him! Emil is Special; no one else is allowed so close to his throat, so. Hmm.] But it will be... better? Next time.

[Not necessarily now? Like, his heart is still pounding away, and he's still running his fingers through Emil's hair, so he is... clearly content to stay like this for a while longer. But there will have to be a Next Time, and boy, isn't that thrilling.]

[Hmm, for personal reasons, Emil has decided to stay right where he is. He will absolutely lose it if he sees Lalli's face right now, for one, and it's very comfortable to be pressed so close to him like this, once he gets over the initial panic of kissing him in a new and different place. He likes Lalli's fingers in his hair, how warm he is, how his skin still smells like soap with a hint of just Lalli underneath—

Ah, but thinking about how his very favorite boy smells is, hmm, a lot? Almost too much, all of a sudden, so Emil focuses on shifting his arm under Lalli's and around his middle, since he's not planning on moving from this spot despite how much his heart is going double time. Whew.

Just hold him and touch his hair and say more things like next time, that's very good. Emil hums, happy beyond belief over how well this is working out. He can and will get used to this.]

Next time, [he repeats it, one part confirmation and one part wonder. A whole next time to kiss Lalli in all the soft, intimate spots his gay little heart can handle; the thought alone is more than enough. You bet he's going to count down the minutes until Next Time.]

You're good because you're you. [Hmm... no, that sounds ridiculous, but he's already said it. Whatever! The sentiment is there: Lalli is the best person in his life, which is both great and overwhelming to think about. He'll just have to stay right here, to consider it more and really appreciate the feeling of fingers in his hair... great idea!!]

Hmm. You should keep doing that.

[Ah, so they are going to stay like this. It's... somewhat of a relief, truth be told, just because so many things have happened in such a short amount of time; even this is new, but there's something, mmm, comfortable about lying together like this? Or there will be, once his heart settles back into a steady rhythm, because this certainly isn't as confusing as, say, Emil kissing his way down to Lalli's neck. This is... manageable.

Plus hearing Emil tell him that he's, you know, good helps quite a bit. It doesn't even matter that Emil is more or less parroting his words back to him; it's still a compliment, a very sweet thing to say, and Lalli feels the corners of his lips twitch upwards once more. Emil thinks he's wonderful, Emil thinks he's good, Emil likes him for him and there will be more of this...

...Maybe one day those won't be such overwhelming things to think about? Maybe one day he'll be able to think about them without feeling, like, a surge of surprise, but for now—whew! His cheeks are going to remain uncomfortably warm for quite some time, it seems, and yet that doesn't prevent him from quietly, contentedly sighing. At least Emil can't see him. At least he's free to feel weak and soft in peace. Small blessings.]

Mhm. [He will do this thing, will complete this arduous task, but:] ...You'll fall asleep.

[Not that a nap would be a bad thing, really, which is why he continues combing through Emil's hair. It's been... a morning!]

[They sure are going to stay like this for a while yet. They both need the break, as it were, from the heart-pounding tasks of looking at each other and occasionally kissing. And really, Emil simply wants this to last as long as it can - after the way Lalli was returned to him, hmm, comatose, and with his next night shift looming in the near future... damn! Sometimes, you just have to cuddle up to a boy and stay there until other obligations come knocking.

So that's the plan. Stay here with his boy, maybe take a nap, maybe only get up later for a meal... a perfect day!]

Then I'll be awake when you come back from work. [...Well, maybe. One daytime nap does not guarantee Emil's ability to stay up all night, but he can try. He's feeling soft enough to try, just because.

Either way, it already feels inevitable that the comfort and warmth of all of this puts him right to sleep; he lets his eyes shut in advance, but he's not out yet.]

Or you can wake me before you go.

[Because, oh, there will be a see-you-later kiss, he's already thinking about it.]

[What would be better: coming back to the room to find Emil awake and ready to pet his hair until he falls asleep, or coming back to the room and curling up next to a warm, still-sleeping Emil? Not that he's, um, brave enough—comfortable enough—to do that particular thing at this stage in the game, but it's still a (surprisingly nice) thought that briefly crosses his mind. What if! What if, one day...

...Well. Better to focus on the here and the now, hence:]

Pfh. [A soft, soft noise, because he knows Emil won't last until just before dawn—and it's fine. Honest. Emil being awake would only tempt Lalli to stay up later (earlier??) than he absolutely should, so. So.] I can wake you.

[If that's what Emil wants, which? Why? Is he that worried that Lalli is going to knock himself out again, or does he... genuinely want to see Lalli before he zips away for the night? Lalli's still riding that "Emil likes me" high; he's allowing himself to hope that it's the latter, which is why he resists the urge to press the issue. It's safer to just, you know, focus on the way Emil's hair feels as it slips through his fingers, all while he listens and waits for Emil to say something—or for Emil's breathing to slowly even out. Sleepymil...

But even when Emil is, without a doubt, out, Lalli doesn't immediately follow him. He is... a weird boy. He wants to do weird things, like lean back to study Emil's sleeping face! Like lightly press a finger to as many places he's kissed as he can, just to remind himself that he did, before he leans back in to barely nuzzle into Emil's hair. He can't help it, really—he's weak to this dumb boy and his dumb hair and his dumb everything, and he's too, mmm, excited to sleep? Too happy, and that's a rare thing for him; he doesn't want it to end.

So how much rest did Lalli actually get? Don't ask. Don't even worry about it. What matters is that he's still right there with Emil when the light in the room begins to fade, and he's awake enough to know that it's time for him to... start moving. There's no need to rush, but he needs time to change, to hit up the bathroom, to grab a quick something to eat before his shift, to... wake Emil up...

Hmm. He carefully stretches; he briefly considers, like, not doing this, and yet he wriggles down anyway, putting himself eye-level with Emil and... shamelessly watching him sleep for a few extra seconds. He kissed this face. He can touch this face, which is what he eventually does. Just one hand, softly cupping Emil's cheek before he gives it the briefest of shakes.]

...Emil.

[Good! Morning! Hopefully Emil enjoys Lalli, like, blinking back at him right out the gate.]

[With the guarantee that Lalli will wake him later, Emil has the go-ahead to doze right off where he is. He's not especially tired - certainly not exhausted by any means - but this is comfortable, warm and safe and very much away from the rest of the stressful things about this city, so who can blame him! He deserves this nap.

And it's a good nap, with Emil deep enough asleep that Lalli doing his weird Lalli things doesn't wake him. He wouldn't be, hmm, surprised to wake up and find Lalli poking all over his face; Lalli stares at him all the time, so really, the bar has been set. The weirdness level is insurmountable.

So, naturally, when he does stir and open one eye to find Lalli staring at him as usual, he still isn't surprised. It takes him a few seconds to really wake up, feeling heavy and warm and not really wanting to move from his comfortable spot. But ah— Lalli has to go out and do his thing... yes, he remembers. And Lalli did wake him after all! That makes him smile, even as he fits his fingers between Lalli's and moves his hand away from his face - so he can smush his face into the pillow with a vague grumble about being awake. Just wait a second, this is how he wakes up.

Then he pushes himself up on his elbow, humming. He's here, he's up, hello, lovely boy. Waking up is the worst, but, hmm, waking up and seeing Lalli still here with him? Worth it.]

Are you going now?

[A sleepy smile, just for him... oh. Even if Emil falls right back asleep—which Lalli, like, half expects him to do when he dives face-first into that pillow—this brief moment together is suddenly very nice.

Emil actually sitting up, though, is... better. It's not like Lalli is going to be gone for a terribly long time, and yet he still takes this opportunity to tilt his head back and continue staring up at this familiar face. It was... a good morning! It was a good day, but—hmm. In between all of the kisses and soft words, something between them... changed? Moved from the back of the mind to the very forefront? And what if—seriously, what if—all it takes is one of them leaving this room for everything to go back...

Well, it's stupid! He's stupid! But it's not as if many good things in his life have, you know, managed to actually stick, which is why he lightly squeezes Emil's hand as his eyes flick back over in the direction of the window.]

...Soon.

[He has... some time. He can enjoy this for a few minutes longer, even if he doesn't know what to say.]

[When Lalli doesn't sit up with him, it takes all of Emil's self control not to flop back down there and go back to sleep on purpose, but this time with Lalli in his arms, so he can't slink off to run around until dawn. So that's where Emil is in his personal journey: all he wants to do is stay here and hold this weird boy and get stared at, but sadly for him, Lalli takes his job more seriously than Emil takes waiting tables at the landen restaurant.

Sad! Well, he'll have plenty of time to sit up in the dark and try to stay awake for when he returns. That's... fun... He wants to be awake when Lalli comes back, to hold him and touch his hair and tell him he's good some more, but is that likely? They'll find out.]

Hmm. [He wonders if they'll still give him something to eat at this hour in the kitchens, and also, how many times he can kiss Lalli before he really has to go to work. If he can stay awake, how many times can he kiss Lalli before they both fall asleep...

He will think about these in detail in a moment. Now,] You should get ready. But don't leave without coming back over here!

[...okay, it's Lalli, he really should just lay it out.]

So I can kiss you goodbye before you go.

[Lalli doesn't want to go anywhere until he absolutely has to, which is why he frowns ever so lightly as he looks back up at Emil. He knows just how thinly he can slice what little time he has left; he will gladly cut a few unnecessary steps from his routine—like, say, brushing his hair—in order to stay here and hold this hand for a while longer. Once he's up, he'll be antsy! Ready to go, go, go.

...Unless, of course, there really is a kiss on the table. Huh. Emil can watch that frown fade from Lalli's face as his offer sinks in, because oh... a smooch...]

Aha.

[A very intelligent noise from a very intelligent boy. So leaving the room for a few minutes means that nothing will change... something to consider as he stretches again, as he gives Emil's hand one last squeeze before he tugs his own hand free. He's gone twenty years without wanting to be kissed! Without wasting too much time thinking about kisses, really, and now it's all he can think about as he zooms off to take care of his business. It's not something he'll let distract him while he's on the clock; his job is his job, and he's determined to be very, very good at it, but while he isn't doing his scouting thing...

...Hmm! Nice! It's still nice when he slips back into the room a scant ten or so minutes later, all dressed and ready to—well. Ready to go, yes, but ready to be kissed. Hi, hello, he's now standing beside this bed, staring at Emil (as always) and trying to ignore that twinge of uncertainty he still feels. Emil said he would kiss him? He said.]

[The power of the promised kiss is immense... Emil understands this now. He spends his ten minutes just, hmm, lounging here lazily, since it's late and he doesn't have to go anywhere. At some point he sits all the way up and fusses his own hair mostly back into place, then scoots to the edge of the bed to sit there and... wait. To kiss Lalli.

It feels kind of... strange, but he supposes that's partly because he has nothing else to do at this hour, and this whole kissing-Lalli thing is, hmm, new? New and very thrilling, and probably worth talking about sooner or later. That can wait, though, as long as they both still want... this. He's pretty sure that's going to last, especially when Lalli does indeed come back for his kiss.

...And stares... That's his boy. Emil reaches for his hand, to tug him just an inch or so closer. He keeps his kiss promises; meet him halfway.]

Well, come here.

[He's sitting, so Lalli will have to lean down just a little bit, so Emil can kiss him on the cheek. ...Twice. And maybe once on the nose, because that was very cute before. He is naught but affection in a beautiful Swede shape...]

[Staring is his hobby! And Emil is nice to stare at, truth be told, but Lalli still leans down without any fuss whatsoever, hands settling on Emil's shoulders as he watches Emil stretch up to kiss him once, twice... three times? Pfft. Cheek kisses are, mmm, very nice; that nose kiss is, mmm, very silly, and it elicits a quiet puff of amusement.]

Emil.

["Don't be stupid," that tone suggests, but there's nothing seriously behind it. He's a gay baby who's eating up this affection, partly because he's greedy and partly because his pessimistic self worries that he'll come back from work and things will change back, so—well. A pleased hum as a hand slides up into Emil's hair, because he can't help it, really. He can't. Lalli has a hair kink and you've heard it here first.]

...More.

[He's keeping a close eye on the time like a responsible adult! He is! Plus he knows just how fast he can run.]

[This boy!! Lalli's not-a-protest-at-all makes Emil smile up at him again, delighted that his simple kisses can make Lalli happy like this. That's sooo nice— he could not possibly ask for more than that, but apparently Lalli could, which only makes Emil smile more. Greedy...]

I hope you know what time it is.

[Like, solely because Emil has no idea. He would gladly kiss Lalli until morning - well, if he didn't get sleepy in the middle again - so that's not so much a gentle scolding as a reminder that he, personally, is not interested in being responsible right now. He sits up a bit straighter, sliding his arms loosely around Lalli's waist and pressing another kiss to his cheek. Then the other cheek... It occurs to him that he could move down toward his neck again, especially at this angle, but hmm... no, not when Lalli has things to do!! This is the only adult decision Emil is willing to make vis a vis Lalli going to work.

So, face kisses it is. Once or twice his gaze flicks down to Lalli's lips, but ah... that's so advanced... face kisses, for sure.]

[Emil! Now there's a noise that's less of a puff and more of a huff, because please.]

I do.

[He does, even though all of these face kisses... are wonderfully distracting. Lalli would gladly stand here for the foreseeable future, one hand tangled in Emil's hair as he watches Emil kiss him again and again and again, but—alas! All good things must come to an end, because somewhere out there Allairavar is putting the finishing touches on tonight's patrol routes. Lalli needs to get there a bit early.

...Sad. So, so sad, but after another few seconds, Lalli pushes the heel of one hand against Emil's shoulder as he slowly, reluctantly pulls the other one free.]

Mrr. [Mrr. So much discontentment packed into such a simple noise, which is surely doubled when it's followed with a sigh. He feels all warm and lazy again, but! But.] ...Have to go.

[Which means straightening out of Emil's reach, but not before he hesitates for a moment—and leans right to the side, just to press a kiss of his own to Emil's temple. Emil kissed him like this before he left him in bed; it only seems fitting that he do the same.]

[Dang, there he goes. Lalli pulling away from him for what will be many, many hours instead of just ten minutes is the most disappointing feeling Emil has had all day, but he can be... an adult about this. A grown adult who does not sulk or whine when the object of his many affections has to go to work. Very mature.

It does take him an extra second or two to let go of Lalli and let his hands fall back to the bed, but ah, the elusive temple smooch! The smooch is his true reward for being so mature. He hums contentedly and scoots back on the bed, to curb his urge to reach for Lalli again. Adult!!]

Hmm, okay. I'll see you later.

[Will Emil make it to dawn with nothing to do? Doubtful. Good luck, Emil.]

[Does Lalli see Emil every single day? Yes. Is it still nice to be reminded that he'll see Emil again relatively soon? Yes, even though the only response Emil gets is a nod before Lalli turns to leave. The time for softness is over, as disappointing as it is; Lalli is now in... work mode! Yeah!

So away Lalli goes, doing his absolute best not to think about Emil, or kisses, or the fact that he's both wonderful and liked as he zips about the city. It's, um, surprisingly easy, actually; sniffing out webs while keeping an eye out for anything suspicious requires a great deal of focus, but by the time his shift is over and he slowly heads home... hmm. No distractions means that Emil is, like, all that Lalli is thinking about, and maybe that's the real danger of kissing—well, liking someone so very much... an ever-present want...

...It's another thing for Lalli to wonder about, especially after he slips back into their room and pads over to the bed. Ah, but Sleepymil is still so beautiful? Lalli feels his chest tighten right back up as he blinks down at his... friend, as he reaches out to lightly brush his fingertips across his... friend's cheek, but while the temptation to shake this boy awake for a second time is strong—no, no. It's better to just, you know, pull away and go change out of his work clothes, because as nothing has shifted, there's always... later. Hopefully.]

[Emil tries so, so hard to stay awake. Really, he does. But the bed is still warm, and even without Lalli right here next to him, thinking about him makes Emil feel all... soft and sappy, and ready to knock out honestly not long after Lalli leaves. It's fine! He won't be awake when Lalli comes back, but he'll be awake, uh... well before Lalli wants to get up in the morning, now that he's had a day nap and a good chunk of proper sleep.

So later is right now, or rather, not long after Lalli comes back to the room, as Emil stirs from the vague sounds of someone moving around (or: plot contrivance) and blinks up at the ceiling. Hmm, it's still mostly dark... hmm.

When he comes to his senses and realizes he's awake, he slowly turns his head... aha. Lalli has been here, and now when Lalli is ready for his sleepy adventure, Emil will be here, to stare at him for a change. Hello, it's so good to see the boy returning and not being delivered unconscious.]

Hey.

[Work clothes: off. Comfy lounging clothes: on. And that's it, honestly! That's Lalli's nightly routine, even though he's vaguely aware that he should go, like, brush his teeth again or something. He's tired...

...But as tired as he really, truly is, it's amazing how awake he suddenly feels when he hears that one little word come from behind him. Emil? ...Emil. Lalli turns, pulling his collar down past his chin as he wastes no time making his way back over to the bed. Time to be cool, time to be casual, time to say:]

Hello.

[Good... morning? Or should he say good night, because it's still entirely too early for Emil to be awake; it's why Lalli blinks down at him for a moment, confused, before he reaches out to brush down a bit of hair that's all fluffed up. This is still fine, yes... hmm...]

...You were asleep.

[No "I thought you were asleep," because Lalli checked! There's nothing weird about that at all!]

[Pick up a hairbrush... do it for Emil... or not. He'll fuss about it in the morning. The proper morning? You know, never mind! It's sleepy morning-ish time now.]

I tried to stay up, [he says, like he needs to defend his falling asleep. He tried, therefore no one can complain, in case anyone wanted to complain. How about he reaches up to take Lalli's hand and squeeze it instead of whatever he's trying to say? That's better.]

How was the, uh... running around?

[How was work, dear, and also come to bed with him, but he has to work up to that.]

[Maybe Lalli will brush his hair for him! Later. When Lalli isn't, like, constantly fighting the urge to yawn, but for now—this simple contact will have to do. Hand-holding... nice...

Anyway, how was work? Pfft. Lalli pulls a face, both because work is more than just "running around" and because he doesn't feel like going into detail about... webs, and weird people doing weird things in the middle of the night. Why can't he just mess with Emil's hair in silence for another few minutes...]

Quiet. [Okay, he can't help it! He has to turn his head to the side and yawn.] ...Long.

[But fine, really, which is why he does his best to (weakly) return that hand squeeze. He's sleepy; talking is... so hard.]

[Look, Emil doesn't know what Lalli really does out there, doing the scout thing? He has the basic idea, but add in the recent problems with webs and weirdos at night and he's lost again. It doesn't matter right this second - Lalli is tired, which makes his attempts to keep conversing cute, which gives Emil the courage he needs to ask this very bold thing he's about to ask.]

Hmm. Do you want to come here?

[Sleep here, with him... he's giving the option to roll under the bed because he's very generous! And he knows how clingy he is and how that's probably not super appealing at all times, but still. Like. Does his preference for where Lalli sleeps really need to be stated? No.]

[It's not... the most surprising question in the world. They did just spend the better part of the day curled up together, and there was some sleeping involved; it was, mmm, quite nice, and he wouldn't mind repeating it soon, but something about repeating it now gives him pause. He's tired! He's prickly! His patience—which is already thin at the best of times—is practically non-existent, so the idea of Emil doing too much, of being too much, is—

...Well. There is... a chance that being held might become overwhelming; like, there might come a time when he needs to roll away and just breathe for a bit, and yet the thought of lying beside Emil is still a welcome one. He was warm and comfortable and so, so happy earlier? And what's the difference, really, between napping and sleeping... what's the harm in seeing how this goes...]

Mmh.

[An eventual yes, then, as he lifts a knee onto the bed and gestures for Emil to roll the heck over. Give him the warm spot! If he's going to try this thing, it's only fair.]

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a gay novel

god bless

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